TalkingApes

OK, who farted?

I’m not a mean-spirited person; in fact, I’m more compassionate than most people, (I think).

However…

This video is funny.

:50 into it is the best part.

So why do people raise fainting goats? Do they just want to see them fall down when excited? The plus side of having fainting goats is that you could catch them pretty easily if they ever escaped.

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Weather is scary

Especially when you are afraid of bugs, like this weatherman.

This is one of the funniest clips I’ve seen in a while This weatherman is afraid of a cockroach, but it seems as if he’s looking at the storm hitting Florida.

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Um … Serving What?!

I’m not going to post what this anchor woman says, because frankly, it would probably get blocked on your work firewalls (you filthy buggers you!).

Once is understandable. Two … maybe, but three times … C’MON!

If you are flying Northwest Airlines or are from Georgia … watch out.

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NFL Nickname playoffs: AFC East

So what is in a nickname? It is something teams focus everything around, from team colors to marketing campaigns; it is the team’s identity. Believe it or not, team nicknames and logos can energize a community or take the life out of a fan base. Remember Bruce the Buccaneer? Now think back to when the Buccaneers changed their logo and color scheme a complete 180 degrees. That is the kind of impact a logo and nickname can have psychologically and monetarily. The Bucs have sold much more merchandise and changed the whole direction of a team just by changing logos and color schemes.

Some teams will never learn, and thus should be punished. Teams like the Green Bay Packers and Miami Dolphins will reap what you they have sewn (although the Packers have one of, if not THE most loyal fan bases in the NFL, their logo and nickname still stink)!

I’m conducting an NFL Nickname Playoff, where a team’s nickname is how they would perform in a fight. First, we’ll figure out who will win a division, then we’ll figure out who wins the conference, then, the AFC winner and NFC winner will square off in the NFL Nickname Championship, and will be awarded the Toughest Nickname in the NFL. Then we’ll proceed to the NBA, MLB and Hockey and eventually crown a Toughest Pro Sports Nickname Champion.

First up, the AFC East

New England Patriots vs. New York Jets

Patriots: Anyone who fights for their country or cause. In this case, we’re talking about patriots from the American Revolutionary War. Their weapons, which eventually defeated the British, were cannons, muskets and bayonets.

Jets: Any airplane that has a jet engine. In the case of the marketing aspect of the NY Jets, they’ve often been associated with commercial airline jets and not fighter jets.

Matchup
In firefights, soldiers will often call in airstrikes to destroy their opponents when ground combat is initiated. These jets, however, are simply jumbo jets that carry cargo and passengers. Horrifyingly, we were reminded of what kind of damage they can inflict when used as a weapon during 9/11. Since a kamakazi effort would lead to the jet’s demise, it really has no other method of attack. Revolutionary War patriots have cannons, guns and bayonetes that they can attack with, but could not fly. Since jets can’t attack anyone and live, patriots win by default. It is possible for patriots to attack a jet with a cannon, so the edge goes to the New England Patriots.

Miami Dolphins vs. Buffalo Bills

Dolphins: An aquatic mammal that divers befriend and swim with at Sea World. It’s hard to imagine dolphins fighting, but they’ve been known to drag people under water as well as rescue people in the movies. Dolphins really don’t have a fighting style other than bumping. They can breathe out of water but have no legs.

Bills: Bills, in this case, refer to Buffaloes. The buffaloes of North America were all but wiped out by human predation. They were sources of clothing and food. They are dangerous in herds, as they can trample anything in their paths.

Matchup
On the surface, this seems like an easy matchup, but you have to establish some ground rules. Is this fight on the land or in water? I think the determining factor is that football is played on land, and on land, a dolphin is defenseless and would die without the moisture of the water. A buffalo can swim, but would get tired if forced to swim for a long period of time and would likely drown. If a buffalo is in water fighting a dolphin, the dolphin really doesn’t have any mode of attack. If a dolphin is on land, a buffalo easily tramples or gores him with his horn. Since the matchup is over land, the Buffalo Bills win this matchup.

AFC East Championship: New England Patriots vs. Buffalo Bills

Matchup
This is an easy one, as it’s already played out historically. Patriots, with their weapons and human intellect, defeated the North American Buffaloes. Granted, a single buffalo could defeat a single human, however, Patriots are defined (by me) as multiple humans with weapons taking on the same number of buffaloes. The New England Patriots win.

Next week: AFC North

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The web is a scary place, dude.

I was talking with my dad on Sunday. He’s worked in corporate security for a number of years and recently retired, electing to go solo and open his own company doing what he did for ‘the man’ for so many years.

He recently attended an internet security conference and came back with some scary information.

(more…)

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Golf, NASCAR are not sports.

Despite what you hear on TV, Golf and NASCAR are not sports.

Sure, they take skill, they compete against one another, but they aren’t sports.

So what is a sport?

My definition of a sport is an athletic contest in which one team (even consisting of 1 player) tries to score, and at the same time another team is trying to defend the act of scoring. Without the aspect of defense, the activity is either a game or an athletic competition. The Olympics, by in large, are athletic competitions.

Golf, Bowling, NASCAR Racing and Billiards all lack the aspect of defenders preventing scoring. Golf, bowling and billiards are games of skill. NASCAR racing is a game of skill with athletic and technological aspects playing a vital role.

Horse racing is more of an athletic competition of the horses.

Without the aspect of “playing defense”, an athletic competition can not be a sport.

THAT, my friends, is the difference.

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Free, browser-based Guitar Hero III. KA-chow!

Behold. Rock and thank me later.

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TalkingApes: What this is, what it’s been, and what it will be.

TalkingApes.com has been an amusing history of “almosts” over its 8 year history. The only constant with it is that nothing has remained constant.

Today, it relaunches as more or less a personal blog. This is its simplest and most basic incarnation, and I don’t see that changing any time soon. You’ll find my writings on whatever is on my mind and the writings of Brad, who’s probably done more with this site than I ever could. I’m not going to lock us down into saying this is a blog about any particular topic, but amongst the things you’ll see us writing about are:

• Web Development
• Design
• Interesting Internet Developments and Sites
• TV
• Ninjas
• Our personal hobbies (most of which overlap)
• The necessity to add the word Ninjapirate to the general lexicon
• Sports

So let’s answer some basic questions you might have. We’ll call this a basis for a FAQ.

Q: What’s with the name “TalkingApes”?
Originally, this site was to be a humor site aimed at guys. I find monkeys and primates hilarious. I decided to play on the concept of “evolution” and that guys are ultimately just “Talking Apes.” You can kind of calculate it from there.

Q: Who are you guys?
I’m Tom. The other guy is Brad. I intend to write a little more in-depth profile shortly. I’ll needle Brad until he does the same.

Q: So why is this a relaunch?
This is almost all my fault. I’m a chronic “starter.” I get brilliant ideas, shovel tons of work into them, and then burn myself out. While I’m great at starting projects, I’m horrible at actually finis… screw it, I’m bored with this already.

Seriously though… I’ve started this several times. It’s been a humor site, a fantasy football site, a forum, a sports portal, a blog, and probably four other things I’m forgetting. The bottom line is that I see things that I want to do that are simply too large for me to manage given my busy schedule, and I let it die. Poor Brad usually gets dragged along in my hair-brained plans and gets left in the lurch. He keeps coming back though. Go figure.

So we’re doing it this time as our personal blog. No promises. No deadlines. Nothing but our personal repository of stuff. We’re going to have fun. I hope you’ll come along for the ride. I won’t write much about “personal” things because, well, I know you don’t care. So what we write might be of some use. You’ll have to judge for yourself, I guess.

Q: If you’re just relaunching, how do you have 3 years worth of posts?
Well… WE don’t. Brad does. Most of this is repurposed from his own personal blog, and kind of shoehorned into the new categories here. Most of it fits well. Some of it doesn’t. We’ll do some housecleaning as we go, I’m sure. The site’ll take on its own unique nature soon enough.

Q: Can I help or contribute?
Absolutely. Just contact us. We’ll hook it up.

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Hello world!

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!

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CNN — the world-wide leader in T-shirts.

Check out CNN.com — They have this weird new icon next to some of the headlines in the latest news. The little T-shirt icon links you to a page where you can buy a T-shirt with that headline on it in black, gray or white.

I wonder how many folks have ever seen a headline and said “I want a T-shirt with that headline on it … if only there were a way” ?

I dunno. I find it completely odd.

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